Heaven

What might heaven be like?
-warm, fresh-baked brownies and ice-cold milk
-snuggling with your favorite snuggler
-afternoons of rope-swinging from tall, ancient sycamore trees

My theory of how heaven might work is like this: when you die, you go somewhere where you're confronted by all the crap things you ever did in your life. You are filled with empathy for those who received the brunt of your doings. To deal with the despair, which overwhelms you, you are wracked with sobs that last a proportionate length of time to how crappy you've been. As soon as you start your crying, someone appears (not God or Jesus or Buddha, just someone who has already spent some time in heaven) and they hold you and comfort you for as long as you need, smothering you with understanding, unconditional acceptance and forgiveness. Once you've been comforted, you then get as many opportunities as needed to be the comforting arms/legs/presences of the newly dead. Everyone who dies goes through this, and heaven is thus populated with eager grief councelors who spend eternity comforting the newly dead and anguished. Down times are spent consuming brownies and milk, snuggling, rope-swinging, and whatever else can be done.

This theory appeals to both my revulsion of retribution theology and my desire to have people understand the consequences of their crappy words and actions.